Okay, Vegas. Let’s kick off this tour the right way: http://t.co/hnb4R0n
My assassin will probably be carrying a copy of “Garfield Sits Around The House” in his pocket.
I think @toiletwine just made up the idea of “bearnaise” sauce just to fuck with me. Now he’s going on about “taragon.” This fucking dandy.
If nudity is in black in white, it is considered art. Ergo, I am beating off as an aficionado and not some lowly pervert.
RT @ThatWeevil: @kylekinane Really? We’re doing this HERE, bro?
The Toronto Int’l Airport: in case you forgot what the definitions of “clusterfuck” and “downright rotten customer service” are.
Even though it’s 930, it’s still light out in Thunder Bay. There’s a bar called the Roadhouse across the street. I’ll see you guys later.
“The Change-Up?” More like “Inception 2.” Shit’s complicated, yo.
“How bad of a set was it, Kyle?” Well, at one point I just said the words “whiskey dick” and then said “how about some crowd work?”
Creationists must love Ribfest. (tighter joke and a better way to find out that “creationist” isn’t a word according to spellcheck)
The words “financial crisis” aren’t scaring anyone I know. We’ve been broke for years. Welcome aboard, USA. Cold Spaghetti-O’s, anyone?
Just added to the Great Mistakes Summer Tour: Boomers Bar in Vegas 8/10 and Boulder Comedy Club, Boulder CO 8/12
Just so everyone know, that is @redban’s cat, not Toby “Big” Damage.
Doing voice over work right now. Dont ever fart in a sound-proof room. Noise isnt the only the only thing that can’t escape these walls.
Opening for the @danieltosh tour from Kitchner ON to Thunder Bay ON starting this Thursday, If Canada lets me in. Columbus and Madison too.
Lightning? Went swimming. Macho fuck you, nature. Taco Bell’s gettin punched in the face with my dick which is what I’m calling my mouth.
Still trying to figure out how a bike that you can’t stop pedaling and has no brakes is called “fixed.” Sounds a lot more like “fucked up”.
RT @eliyudin: @kylekinane If you walk into the wall between Sexy Hair and Farm Meat, you come out on a magical train to a White Castle m …