Someone pick me up from the airport forever.
Can I get a jersey for a team called “The Wealthy Strangers?” Doesn’t that about sum it up? Or is it arbitrarily based on location also?
RT @RoosterTF: @kylekinane @notoriousROD @IamKevinOShea Looking forward to your shows Thursday through Sunday! Tix at this link: http:// …
Mopeds: For when you’re too lazy to ride a bike and too chicken shit to ride a motorcycle.
A “Los Angeles” triathalon? Isn’t that doing 10 rails in Venice, driving drunk to downtown, and then talking about your spec for 6 hours?
Do something fun, internet. Don’t make me watch TV by myself.
I said MOST podcasts, guys. Calm down. I didn’t mean YOURS.
Saw Drive. I gotta agree w/ the ladies about this Gosling fella. I’d let him plow me like a Michigan VFW parking lot in January.
Hey Guy Fieri, Sammy Hagar called. That’s it.
Just met Raul. He seems nice, but I’m not even hungry anymore. Tell me, Jasmin—can you PIzza Track heartbreak?
Here's the poster for my upcoming album taping in... →
mattbraunger: By the amazing Dylan McConnell. It’s the most ridiculous and best thing I’ve probably ever had my face and horsebody on. If you live in Portland, come to the show! Matt Dwyer is hosting and Ron Funches is doing a guest set. Love, Matt Centauraunger Portland, this is what you do on October 14th.
RT @nicwegener: @kylekinane This dude must’ve seen your Conan set… http://t.co/8uIJwLpU
Showing a girl “Big Trouble in Little China” has got to be some kind of Asian pickup line.
I have throw-up on all my shoes and most of my hats.
Papa Johns delivering me an unsliced pizza just says, “We know you’re alone and going to eat the whole thing tonight. Dig in, fat ass.”
HOLY BALLS http://t.co/nhujwxN
I forgot to spell it “SEAL.” If you don’t put it in all-caps in military orders, they send in actual harbor seals and nothing gets done.
RT @corneezy: “I get tons of respect” -Shitty Rodney Dangerfield
Gonna be in Madison @comedyonstate next week. Come out, be a friend.
Nachos are like a burrito that went throught machine in The Fly before the tweaks got worked outIM BORED WITH THIS SHIT ARENT YOU?
Any time I try to pay attention to politics I feel like I’ve been roofied by America.
I’m convinced I’m the reason onions stay in business. It’s like being best friends with the dirty cousin.
My name is “Kyle Kinane.” How stupid is that?