Here’s some details on my little tour of the South next week:
I pick my nose so much I should buy a gun just to give my index finger something new to do. Note to self: don’t pick nose with gun.
Hollandais sauce is the fugu of breakfast.
If you’re a girl that goes by the philosophy “I’m cute and I know it so I may as well use it,” you’re not and you suck and nobody likes you.
RT @daveanthony: I consider 3 bean chile to be more of a lifestyle than a meal
RT @mikepetrik: A small reunion of my band could be in the works. Time to dig out the costumes and confetti. http://youtu.be/w7ylfmjnJy4
Going to tape the Daily Habit tomorrow for Fuel TV. All I want to talk about is the Swatch Impact Tour. Never got to go. Gator, pre-murder.
If i call this pastrami sandwich a bitch one more time the neighbors might call the cops.
Jesus saves so much Heaven must look like an episode of Hoarders.
Why isn’t MTV Cribs just called, “Who the fuck are you and why do you have a hot tub?”
RT @IsaacFitzgerald: @KyleKinane: http://twitpic.com/4lo9po
RT @punchlinesf: Tonight and tomorrow @kylekinane is performing with Matt Fulchiron. Get tickets at http://bit.ly/dM4RDi or call 415-397 …
San Francisco Punchline with @TheFullCharge this weekend. Coming up early tomorrow to pickle insides with @IsaacFitzgerald first though.
Turns out I can’t trim my toenails with office scissors. Goodnight!
A lot of people asking if I’m the voice of the promos on Comedy Central…
It’s feeling like a doo-wrap kind of afternoon, is it not?
Austin, Dallas, Houston, and New Orleans—thank you all.
SF next wknd, then PDX, The Firebird STL, my return to the Confederate states, MPLS, and more: www.kylekinane.com. In June, I leave society.
RT @amandaaustinDCH: AUSTIN!: Theae guys are legit-funny!: @elrojoperez, @mrseanpatton, @christrew and @kylekinane Go see them
Tonight a …
I’m in Dallas, letting it all come apart. A fight or some space travel or a bullfight or a long wander into the woods will happen soon.
Jay Larson is recording his comedy cd at the Hollywood Improv tomorrow night. I don’t endorse much, but this is a must-do.
RT @mrseanpatton: Yes NOLA, the show with @kylekinane, @elrojoperez, myself and others is still happening tonight @ ‘The Carrollton stat …
Just landed in New Orleans. Who is that?! (Did I get it right?)
I think I’m gonna start wearing leather pants out of sheer efficiency. This is all I’m thinking about, alone at the Ale House. GO HOME.
OMG! Unreleased Florence and the Plus Machines song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fAi8Jc2hrw
No brawls, but plenty of dudes with date rape eyes at Burton Place, and then the expected almost-charming creepos of the Hollywood Grill.
Had Kuma’s Corner, then a fight broke out at the show, three squad cars out front of Zanies, wrapped up with beers at Club Foot. Fantastic.
RT @BeardsOfComedy: Beards in Omaha tonight at the Side Door Lounge for a 7 pm show. Tickets available online at Brown Paper… http:/ …
Guess which awesome dude just licked pizza sauce off his computer while trying to post a Tesla video?
NoBodys in charge so fuck off if you’re looking for rules. Potrofka has his birth certificate
Delilah’s. Yep. Come out, strangers. We’ll have breakfast soon.
The thing in the box in Creepshow and the monster in Big Trouble In Little China still get me. Nostalgic terror is the best.
Everytime these dorks on Ghost Adventures mention the EMF detector, I imagine it must read “You’re Unbelievable!” I’m a comedy champion.
In honor of Baby Jessica’s birthday, all well drinks should be half-off today.
Golden Girls is a solid show. No joke.
Some twat is playing his violin in the airport at 730am. This isn’t the subway. We paid to be here. Cork it, maestro.
Hey boobs, get over here.
When does Wikipedia come out in paperback?
I’m sober tonight, so it’ll be pretty quiet. Just staying up studying survivalcache.com and having small but consistent panic attacks.
RT @Puddinstrip: I uploaded a YouTube video — Puddin’ (Kyle #5) http://youtu.be/q_TbR2b4_jE?a
Just took a loose dump during a Rhianna remix. Spring break! #foreveryoung
Seeing a wave runner sitting in the dirt is more of a bummer than you think.
Now I’m on the futon listening to my mom talk about conspiracy theories via Skype with her online gambling pals.
I basically just won the “Biggest Fan Of The Show Gets To Headline” contest at Beat Kitchen tonight.