RT @aspecialthing: thinks Kyle Kinane - Bunnies should be nominated for #tca2011 Best Viral Original @comedyawards http://t.co/4yges9a
Is somebody fucking with me with all this clamoring in the hallway? Some ghost-ass shit going down here.
NEW BIKE DAY!
Guess who threw his back out trying to pop a wheelie on new bike day? Fucking Christ. What an asshole.
For the six people who might care. http://yfrog.com/hscv9pfj
The Grand Canyon began as a lonely drip. Sounds like a career model custom-fitted for yours truly.
I’ve got a case of the farts that sounds like a junior high woodwind section warming up and gray chest hair. No plans for Valentine’s, gals.
"Brunch" is a nice way of getting a whole group of people who might throw up on some eggs together in one place.
"Why don’t you come back to my room? My mattress is probably dry by now." The explanation of that pickup line still won’t help, I realize.
Apparently I fell asleep and spilled a Labatts Blue all over the goddamn bed. All these screaming Egyptians are NOT helping this hangover.
Traverse City is really spoiling the shit out of us right now. I think I’m 5 minutes away from a foot massage by @Sarahtiana
Up next, a little Love/Hate for your afternoon. You might “Black Out In The Red Room,” but you’ll wake up in mine! Ha! Talkin’ ‘bout fuckin.
Oh no! Fixies at Walmart! Time to find a different impractical fashion accessory, awesome kids. http://tinyurl.com/ylzf6r3
I feel a stunt nap coming on!
SurroundSound is whack. “Oh shit, sounds like a motorcycle is speeding from behind that lamp over to where I dropped those Pringles.” Dumb.
RT @Corsario_Negro: Notable el disco ‘Death of the Party’ de Kyle Kinane. Hace mucho que no me reía tanto
RT @KellyTR: LA Area Extras Needed For @Braunger Pilot Shoot 2/6 http://funkelly.tumblr.com/post/3060039655/background-extras-needed-for …
Headin’ up into Seger Country—Traverse City MI next Friday and Saturday.
Ah, fuck it. Anyone wanna go pajama drinking at the Rustic and get breakfast hot wings?
RT @corneezy: My dick is an anti-tankini-mine!!! #TwitterExplodes
So I’m just gonna go ahead and listen to the punk rocks and ride bikes forever until I can’t anymore. Hope that’s cool with you guys.
My name is Kyle Kinane. #worstpickuplines
If you can out-keg stand me, you can have my watch. What I mean is I’ll leave my watch inside you. FAG! #worstpickuplines
RT @daveanthony: @kylekinane “Why don’t you go live in Sweden” is different from “Go fuck yourself hippie.”
Americans, let’s get scared of change that tries to improve our quality of life (uni. healthcare) and accept the kind that hinders it (TSA).
Sorry, everyone. On edge. Had my storage unit broken into. Had all my camping gear in there (aka Plan B). Nothing was stolen. Fools.
Just saw Craigslist ad for a “sexy” efficiency apt, cuz nothing says “Let’s fuck” like burning your arm on a hotplate while wiping your ass.
Two-head calf born in Armenia, smokes twice as many Parliament Lights in Starbucks parking lot as normal calf. http://tinyurl.com/68fxv5f
Domino’s next ad to feature skeptical consumers kidnapped, tied to chairs, with a Domino’s rep yelling, “What can I do to make you love me?”
Can I just submit a writing packet to Southwest Airlines? This lady next to me is laughing like it’s a goddamn Dean Martin roast.
Sometimes I get to the point where I just yell “BOOBS!” with the same urgency zombies yell “BRAINS!”
I farted so much on this flight I think I altered the cabin pressure. That was excessive even by my standards. Christ.
To finalize the issue, trying to power wash your toilet with a super intense piss just makes a bigger mess than the one you wanted to fix.
A clear example of aging is turning on a late night talk show and instantly saying, “Who the fuck is this asshole?” (Wiz Khalifa, I guess)
RT@kylekinane is on twitter. This man is frickin’ hilarious. Buy his CD, see his shows.//Do as the Goon says!
OOH the Oscar nominations are out!! Can you believe who did or didn’t blaAHH FARTS tacos hurl this whole fucking waste of time into the sun.
Whoa, a 96-year-old guy died? God works in mysterious ways, I guess.
"AT&T U-Verse Bundle—Why let us fuck up just one facet of your life?"