Like an old flame that was a lot of fun inspite of being more trouble than she’s worth… http://t.co/uBlHaV7P
Prescribed myself some Live Bullet and a few Fat Tires. Time to cut a slice out of this night for myself because God knows I’ve earned it.
RT @kushsoul: Comedy TONIGHT @ The Mint in LA w/ @kylekinane @EliBraden @MostlyPregnant @funkyrabbi - benefits Talk About Curing Autism!
Who has closed out their bank account due to frustration about all this shit? I’d really like to know.
Just found this note I wrote to myself last night: “Contact guacamole should be a sport.” Some real Jason Bourne shit going on lately.
More “heroes” in action: http://t.co/7IvCH4bi
“Love Song” by Tesla is like the “Love Song” by Tesla.
My souvenirs from Korea. (racist socks and gay underpants) http://t.co/Pi2ALXEn
There were children on my flight so poorly behaved I fantasized about wearing jewelry made from the bones of toddlers. (spellchecked)
I bet animals think music is stupid.
Korea, you were beautiful. Thanks to Jeff, Rudy, Erin, Adam, Albert and everyone at #StandUpSeoul. Time to throw up, trans-Pacific style!
Halloween costume idea #3: Dress up like Sundance Kid. Put tiny cowboy hat and six gun on bottle of Newman’s Own. Flee to Bolivia together.
Naked and trying to my eye contact with pedestrians from my hotel room, 17 stories up. Like the most inconvenient red light district ever.
When said aloud, “R.I.P.” can be both a eulogy for the departed and a pirate’s declaration of urination.
RT @teamyasumura: We need to start keeping track of the Westboro people, so when one of them dies, we can protest the funeral.