February 2011
53 posts
Sorry, everyone. On edge. Had my storage unit broken into. Had all my camping gear in there (aka Plan B). Nothing was stolen. Fools.
January 2011
43 posts
Just saw Craigslist ad for a “sexy” efficiency apt, cuz nothing says “Let’s fuck” like burning your arm on a hotplate while wiping your ass.
Two-head calf born in Armenia, smokes twice as many Parliament Lights in Starbucks parking lot as normal calf. http://tinyurl.com/68fxv5f
Domino’s next ad to feature skeptical consumers kidnapped, tied to chairs, with a Domino’s rep yelling, “What can I do to make you love me?”
Can I just submit a writing packet to Southwest Airlines? This lady next to me is laughing like it’s a goddamn Dean Martin roast.
Sometimes I get to the point where I just yell “BOOBS!” with the same urgency zombies yell “BRAINS!”
I farted so much on this flight I think I altered the cabin pressure. That was excessive even by my standards. Christ.
To finalize the issue, trying to power wash your toilet with a super intense piss just makes a bigger mess than the one you wanted to fix.
A clear example of aging is turning on a late night talk show and instantly saying, “Who the fuck is this asshole?” (Wiz Khalifa, I guess)
RT@kylekinane is on twitter. This man is frickin’ hilarious. Buy his CD, see his shows.//Do as the Goon says!
OOH the Oscar nominations are out!! Can you believe who did or didn’t blaAHH FARTS tacos hurl this whole fucking waste of time into the sun.
Whoa, a 96-year-old guy died? God works in mysterious ways, I guess.
“AT&T U-Verse Bundle—Why let us fuck up just one facet of your life?”
Watchthedailywhat:
Time Saver of the Day: Learn how to do a bunch of things faster with this compilation of shortcut tutorials on everyday activities from shoe tying to egg peeling.
[vvv.]
Hey, Daily What. More of this, and less of whatever unecessarily “reimagined” Star Wars bullshit someone farted out this week.
They lost. And your life will proceed unaffected. Kevin Jones pushed flatland further than any other rider. Hitchhiker into backpacker!?
You guys go out and have fun tonight. I need to stay in and leave negative comments on Youtube videos people seem to be enjoying too much.
Ladies, let’s party tonight. This dick isn’t going to laugh at itself.
Backstage at a rock show. Those pipes have an opinion. http://yfrog.com/gz6aasgj
chamberlain:
The Commodores - “Nightshift”...
NYC! Weather pending, I’ll be at Big Terrific Wed. night, Kabin Thurs, and Creek & the Cave Fri late show. And, yes, I bought a winter hat.
Watchthedailywhat:
In Case You Missed It of the Day: Jon Stewart offers his thoughts on the tragic shooting in Tucson.
[tds.]
See Also: Stephen Colbert’s reaction.
John Stewart doing what he does best and articulating my sentiments on the Arizona shooting far better than I possibly could.
A rare airing of my opinion.
Guys, I’m not quickest horse in the barn by any means, and I rarely, if ever, weigh in on current events. But in the wake of this shooting in Arizona, I’d like to offer a couple thoughts. Can we just see that crazy is crazy, and there’s no rhyme or reason to it? Some people are just broken and sometimes tragedies simply happen.
Gangster rap and black metal don’t make...
RT @flipflops: So Palin & crew are feeling unjustly blamed for the actions of an extremist. Maybe they can ask Muslims for advice on ho …
By the way, “recycling” is everything except for human hair and pineapple rinds.
Hungover, plunging a clogged shitter, and gently weeping at a Tom Hanks movie on TNT. Saturdays have changed, man.
Animal Hoarders is a rerun and my breath smells like my feet. Fuck it. I’m showering and going out. You win this round, Friday night.
At what age is it inappropriate to still have three decent pairs of “humorous” underpants?
Somewhere in Detroit there’s a guy with a closet full of baby bones mumbling “Let’s see who they call the Motor City Madman NOW.”
NEXT Saturday. Sorry. My breakfast of an organic apple and a leftover Jack In The Box taco just isn’t giving me the oomph I need right now.
Just got the calendar back and running at kylekinane.com. Some new places coming up. Check it out. Or don’t. Pushy isn’t my thing.
How is it a magician can make me believe he has supernatural powers but can’t get a convincing hair piece to save his life?
I love Sundays, when I can get a clear sense of who to unfollow by all the bullshit football updates.
Captian Fuckface goes to university. http://yfrog.com/h32u7oxj
New York, two weeks from now.http://www.theblacklistnyc.com/johnoliver.htm
I don’t feel so good. Left my voice at that party. Creeped out the new neighbors. May’ve swallowed some confetti. Did I BUY that chicken?