The amount of shitty wine I drink is inversely proportionate to how much I care if my neighbors hear me listening to Warrant ballads.
This is my roommate, John. He’s a real...
Started the week performing w/ Beth Lisick and Andrew Sean Greer. Ending it opening for Andrew Bird. In the middle? A heckler w/ Tourettes.
RT @StripperLove: @marcmaron I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry 4 last night - you’re awesome, I’m not but @KyleKinane can still suck it & …
last chance SF. purple onion tonight with Marc Maron 8pm
To the woman who just called her ratty dog “Covergirl,” congratulations. You just won Tuesday afternoon. And my heart.
BO twenty minutes after a shower? I’m more fascinated than upset.
I like cheap beer, tribute bands, and processed foods, and I’m not apologizing for it anymore. The simpleton revolution starts today!
RT @peteholmez: RT @erinmalone: Watch Pete Holmes tonight on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Do it!
At Ikea, really hoping this is a real bathroom.
“Point the sun away from me, Ricardo” is a sentence I just said to no one, for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Today will be interesting.
RT @goddamnitDoug: That’s entirely untrue. Brightly-colored snakes aren’t venomous, Doug, they’re fabulous. The reds and yellows… http …
My roommate is Mexican and I’m sure I will offend him at some point today. “John, did Papa Churro fill your shoes with dulces yet?”
How do bullfighters keep their skin so smooth? Oil of Ole!
Interview with me in the Onion AV Club →
Mighty nice of Kyle Ryan and the good folks at the Onion to think I may have something interesting to say.
Hey, Seattle, do you like Janeane Garofalo? And maybe me? Then: http://tiny.cc/nw0uy
Sometime in the fall of 1995, my friend Marco and...