Beards are just mohawks for 30-year-olds. Boy, I just made my night even more depressing.
Shows? Yes! Boston, March 2, Middlesex Lounge//NYC, March 4, Comix//Montague MA, March 6, The Bookmill
RT @kumailn: Me. Kyle Kinane. Magic. @comixny March 4th. http://comixny.com/event.aspx?eid=723&sid=2586 Use code PROMO for $10 tix. Wow!
Mandatory pre-flight sedation or lecter-esque containment for all children under 10 would no doubt sell plane tickets.
sitting in front of a shitty 5 year old on this plane. equivalent of having tinitis and an erratic unwanted massage chair for 2.5 hours.
Sad in LA, people ask about your feelings. Sad in Chicago, sister says “Well, there’s all-u-can-eat chili and beer at this one place.”
Restaurant sign said “Taste how much we care.” That is the most ominous sentence I’ve heard in a while.
My upstairs neighbor seems to wear heels and lead shin guards all night. I hope she gets a spot on that strange, strange soccer team.
If you look at the emblem, Audi wants to be an official Olympic vehicle but is only 4/7ths of the way there. #onlyfunnyifsaidlikehedberg.
What is this “Cash Wednesday?” Is it a Jewish thing? (oh god don’t hit the update button)
Just yelled out in the middle of my Katy Perry singalong “I have an oven on!” Never let me live alone.
How is the show “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” not the same thing as “Keeping Up With The Kardashians?”
Turns out if your name is mentioned in an article with the word “pedophile”, regardless of context, you automatically get listed here: www.sex-offender-info.com. Keep up the great, unresearched, misinformed work, guys! I sure hope some fans see this site when trying to find tour dates! Better yet, maybe I can have an awkward conversation with my mom when she sees it! The best part is...
RT @kumailn: Me and Kyle Kinane co headlining at Comix on March 4th? Must buy tix immediately! http://www.comixny.com/event.aspx?eid=723 …
The Rat Pack-themed slot machine “Spinning In Their Graves!” was pulled because tourists “didn’t get it.” #lasvegasfacts
The city seal is Elvis wearing a backwards Dale Earnhardt hat armwrestling all-u-can-eat popcorn shrimp. #lasvegasfacts
“Are you sure you want to delete this item?” “To undelete, press 1.” Why must you make me so unsure of my decisions, technology?
leading cause of death: being one of the four noisy children in the hotel room next to me. #lasvegasfacts
bellagio is italian for “hot tub filled with imposter cologne.” #lasvegasfacts
escort services offer a package called “the rat pack.” it’s exactly what it sounds like. #lasvegasfacts