At LAX. Apparently American Airlines now offers service to the Island of Dr. Moreau. Gonna hunker down in Chilis Too and wait out the ugly.
Still tickets for Lincoln Lodge Friday w/ Junior Stopka. http://www.thelincolnlodge.com/tickets.html
"Babies R Us" is a retail clothing store, not a valid pro-life argument.
Every time I pass a Toys R Us, I impulsively mutter, “We sure are.”
"That’s fine and good, but what about a bee made of beards?" With that, Charles left the Arby’s, leaving behind more questions than answers.
I believe Lincoln Lodge is sold out Friday. No sweat—two shows at the Red Bar Comedy Club downtown Saturday night. www.redbarcomedy.com
RT @EdGalvez: Sometimes I feel like god put me on this planet so the world doesn’t get over populated by tacos.
http://bit.ly/ckLdnk Me on Stop Podcasting Yourself. One of the best times I’ve had on a podcast. Thanks, guys!
Two things you should be doing right now—getting tix for the Lincoln Lodge shows this weekend and listening to ZZ Top.
RT @hollywoodphony: Amazon.com has 100 albums for $5 each! Including REO Speedwagon’s Greatest Hits and @kylekinane’s death of the party …
The AV Club is always real nice to me. You guys have a back rub coming! http://www.avclub.com/chicago/events/kyle-kinane,204029/
Folks who disagree with evolution are the strongest argument for God, because science can’t explain why people that dumb are upright.
sometimes we forget to edit out of urgency and passion.
I think Christine O’Donnell is just mad that monkeys can sit around jerking it all day and there’s nothing she can do about it.
Gonna get a pot card or a gun license. Either way, it’s gonna fix this whole “neighbor learning acoustic guitar” shit.
By telling Christine O’Donnell to blow me, I’m simply agreeing with her “no masturbation” policy and offering a compliance.
No amount of news websites I have open in my browser make up for the words “big boob alert” lingering in the Google search bar.
Grown-ups shouldn’t ever say “yummy.” They should also never say “grown-ups.” Ah, fuck it all anyway. Stupid pointless goddamn day. Shit.
One week from today, I come back to the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago. Come out and see where all the jokes about throwing up in alleys are born!
Showtime 2 must be some kind of rescue shelter for terrible breast implants. One girl has a lazy nipple.
Enough screwing around, Saturday. #FF
About to eat a Japanese hot dog (www.japadog.com) here in Vancouver. Let’s hope it’s not a “foot wrong.” I just won at comedy.
If I donate 39 cents a day to the guy from Man V. Food, will he STOP eating? This show gives me diarrhea.
TSA just asked if my clear, empty water bottle attchd to the outside of my bag had any liquid in it. Best&brightest keeping our skies safe.
RT @downtownvan: Last call. ONE entry so far! Win a pair of ComedyFest TIX to see Kyle Kinane 9/22 at the Comedy Mix. RT to Win. #DTVanC …
Wave House in Mission Beach tonight at 8. John Roy, Thai Rivera, and me. I will attempt to surf.
Standing by the worst “crazy” person ever. “All I fuck is pussy” will not get you pocket change. Maybe a BudLite and a pound, but not smpthy
Just out-crazied a guy by saying “I’ll eat the spokes off a bicycle.” Not really, but it was a real thought so still crazier than his BS.
Seeing Screeching Weasel. @ Club NokiA tonight was like seeing the girl who took your virginity working at a strip club. #brokenhearted
It’s one thing to be bad at your job, but to be bad at your not-having-a-job-give-me-a-dollar is a whole new realm.
Fake Gallery on Melrose right now! Come on down for jokes and songs.
I’ve swallowed so many fingernails in my lifetime I might legally be defined as a cannibal.
Just so you know, these are actually stand-by tickets to paradise. We might not be able leave tonight as previously thought #rockretractions
I have been neglecting business and leaving early. #rockretractions
We’re on a highway to Elgin. I was just being dramatic before. #rockretractions
Stop beating on the brat! Maybe he’s having trouble at home. #rockretractions
Hell bent for a suitable non-animal alternative. #rockretractions
Actually, if she’s only 17, I’m in a shitload of trouble. —Kip Winger #rockretractions
"Ching Chong chan chong me so solly" —Winston Churchill
No need to run to the hills. Let’s try to settle this with polite conversation first. #rockretractions
I meant to say “mastery” of puppets. I’m quite good with marionettes. #rockretractions
So did they get him to the Greek or not? I haven’t been around much lately and feel rather out of the loop.
Off to New York City to tape a real live TV show! Get your tickets here www.ocatv.com/shows/show/26 (boosted this link from @natashaleggero)
RT @daveanthony: It’s called “shame” RT @KimKardashian: why can’t I fall asleep :-(
RT @ZakSmithSabbath: #HaveSexWithThisGuyTuesday @kylekinane has a fucking 25$ Chilis gift card and is funnier than you.
It’s slightly more tolerable if you refer to rush hour as “all-skate.”
Time to pull up stakes again. http://tiny.cc/xw05v
I’ve got a $25 Chilis gift card and a penchant for moderately offensive conversation. Dream lover, let’s not let another Tuesday pass us by.
Take time to tell the people in your life that you love them. That, and listen to “Shake Me” by Cinderella. It’s a really good song.