About to eat a Japanese hot dog (www.japadog.com) here in Vancouver. Let’s hope it’s not a “foot wrong.” I just won at comedy.
If I donate 39 cents a day to the guy from Man V. Food, will he STOP eating? This show gives me diarrhea.
RT @downtownvan: Last call. ONE entry so far! Win a pair of ComedyFest TIX to see Kyle Kinane 9/22 at the Comedy Mix. RT to Win. #DTVanC …
TSA just asked if my clear, empty water bottle attchd to the outside of my bag had any liquid in it. Best&brightest keeping our skies safe.
Wave House in Mission Beach tonight at 8. John Roy, Thai Rivera, and me. I will attempt to surf.
Standing by the worst “crazy” person ever. “All I fuck is pussy” will not get you pocket change. Maybe a BudLite and a pound, but not smpthy
Just out-crazied a guy by saying “I’ll eat the spokes off a bicycle.” Not really, but it was a real thought so still crazier than his BS.
Seeing Screeching Weasel. @ Club NokiA tonight was like seeing the girl who took your virginity working at a strip club. #brokenhearted
It’s one thing to be bad at your job, but to be bad at your not-having-a-job-give-me-a-dollar is a whole new realm.
Fake Gallery on Melrose right now! Come on down for jokes and songs.
I’ve swallowed so many fingernails in my lifetime I might legally be defined as a cannibal.
Just so you know, these are actually stand-by tickets to paradise. We might not be able leave tonight as previously thought #rockretractions
I have been neglecting business and leaving early. #rockretractions
Hell bent for a suitable non-animal alternative. #rockretractions
Actually, if she’s only 17, I’m in a shitload of trouble. —Kip Winger #rockretractions
We’re on a highway to Elgin. I was just being dramatic before. #rockretractions
Stop beating on the brat! Maybe he’s having trouble at home. #rockretractions
No need to run to the hills. Let’s try to settle this with polite conversation first. #rockretractions
"Ching Chong chan chong me so solly" —Winston Churchill
I meant to say “mastery” of puppets. I’m quite good with marionettes. #rockretractions
So did they get him to the Greek or not? I haven’t been around much lately and feel rather out of the loop.
RT @ZakSmithSabbath: #HaveSexWithThisGuyTuesday @kylekinane has a fucking 25$ Chilis gift card and is funnier than you.
It’s slightly more tolerable if you refer to rush hour as “all-skate.”
RT @daveanthony: It’s called “shame” RT @KimKardashian: why can’t I fall asleep :-(
Off to New York City to tape a real live TV show! Get your tickets here www.ocatv.com/shows/show/26 (boosted this link from @natashaleggero)
I’ve got a $25 Chilis gift card and a penchant for moderately offensive conversation. Dream lover, let’s not let another Tuesday pass us by.
Time to pull up stakes again. http://tiny.cc/xw05v
Take time to tell the people in your life that you love them. That, and listen to “Shake Me” by Cinderella. It’s a really good song.
RT @jimgoad: Time to lower the minimum wage for all politicians and let them feel how the other half lives.
Anybody else want to start bmx racing later in life? If I do this all on my own I’m gonna look like a real creep.
Just had 5-way chili. It was probably more gross than any type of sexual joke you could make about it. Cleaned my plate regardless.
I think I’m going through a Taylor Swift thing right now. Just piss off about it, okay?
Cincinnati, I will be at the “Go Bananas” comedy club this weekend. What else to do there when I’m not going bananas? Suggestions?
Fighting all the sounds that are fighting to be sights
I think all these guys are from “Breakin 2”
http://twitpic.com/2lh33y - Found your stash, Midnight Show!
So many answered questions of the day end at FatBurger
www.bachmanandturner.com They’re no longer in Overdrive. Finally they can just put in a regular 40-hour week like the rest of us.
I’ve been using junk mail instead of paper towels to cover food in the microwave. Is this bad? Has Guy Fieri answered this yet? Serious.
"@redlobster: good weekend for red lobster road trip. who’s heading out of town?" Are you really Red Lobster or a setup for a home invasion?
RT @aspecialthing: #ASTnews 4x$5: Pardo, Benson, Tompkins & Kinane on sale @ Amazon http://bit.ly/9MeO0x
Not having kids is a tribute to good parenting on your folks’ part. “You did so great with me I can’t compete.” Written while drunk @ Arbys.
This should be a more direct link to $5 “Death Of The Party”: http://amzn.to/cdLcw5
Have you been holding out on buying “Death of the Party” because ten bucks was gonna break you? How about a finsky? http://amzn.to/bvjj0X
It was real dark and I ate something off the floor in the living room. Now I’m off to the beach.
http://twitpic.com/2js3s7 - @toddbarry is playing OKC tonight. When you see him, remind him what August 17th is.