just ate 9 eggs benedicts. ambulance time!
Throwing red wine down my throat like it’s a collapsed mine full of trapped Catholics. The blood of Christ is splendid with frozen pizza.
That “cat v. bear” video is giving me way too much false confidence to go backpacking alone. Fierce-ass cats are OWNING IT, girl.
Thanks to everyone for RT about the album. Makes a cold man smile when he finds out how nice the internets can be.
RT @Naked_Comedy: NAKED COMEDY IS ON NOW! @kylekinane’s debut album “Death of the Party” is world premiering RIGHT NOW http://kuci.org
RT @aspecialthing: #ASTnews Kyle Kinane’s debut CD “Death of the Party” coming 2/2 - preorder now! http://bit.ly/9HGym5
Flossing makes me feel like I’m trying to strangle my teeth individually. Probably shouldn’t be using piano wire.
Turned off “Intervention” today because it wasn’t one of the funny ones.
RT @marcmaron: LA WTFers! Thurs 1/28 7PM Comedy Central pilot taping w/@ChelseaVPeretti @KyleKinane @wkamaubell Laurie Kilmartin res at …
To all the brave men and women that marched on NBC studios around the country Monday in support of equal rights amongst millionaire white male talk show hosts, I’m sure MLK would’ve been quite proud.
Listening to a podcast in Starbucks. Not sure why wearing headphones makes me feel invisible, but I just cleaned out a solid chunk of belly button lint, held my arm at full extension, and dropped it on the floor. May have farted several times already and God knows what I did to soil all these napkins.
Day 3 of food poisoning and a 6hr drive to make tmrw. At this point, I’d eat a bucket of sawdust if I thought it would give me a solid dump.
About to go apeshit because I bought tickets for Smoking Popes Feb 19th and Screeching Weasel Feb 26th. See you around that week, Chicago.
Worst detective novel intro: “I’d emptied another bottle of Kahlua to the B-side of my Simply Red album when she limped into my life…”
Tempe Improv w/ Norm MacDonald this weekend. Gonna try mountain biking during the day if anyone’s around.
RT @goddamnitDoug: Anyone can tame a grizzly bear, Doug. Shit’s hack. But a polar bear? I hope you’re not too uncomfortable… http://tu …
RT @goddamnitDoug: Special Forces? Christ, more like Special Olympics. I haven’t seen eyes that close together since I went… http://tu …
What’s really so bad about the Olive Garden, besides the commercials? A sensible meal for an adequate price…go fuck yourselves, naysayers.
Hey tumblr, just because I stop following someone, it doesn’t mean that they automatically stop following me, right? Great, because I really don’t give a fuck about this girl’s cats but I don’t want to lose a fan. Also, grown men participating in this GPOYW is creepy as fuck.
RT @adamcarolla: A peak at tomorrow’s show with @teresastrasser, @baldbryan, and comedian @kylekinane who’s at the Largo this weekend. h …
Look for beauty everywhere.
From: “Dad” <*******@aol.com> To: firstname.lastname@example.org Sent: Tue, January 5, 2010 1:32:49 PM Subject: Shamrock Shuffle Kyle, Would you be interested or available to do the Shamrock Shuffle with me and Tegan on March 21? We are ‘Team Kinane’ and Tegan will make up another farting unicorn t-shirt. Dad
RT @goddamnitDoug: Doug, I’m scared. I bit down and broke a thermometer. I didn’t mean to, but my jaw just clenched up when I… http:// …
Adam Carolla podcast today. Not sure when it will “go live,” since I still don’t know how podcasts work. What’s that? Corn…in a can?!
RT @JazzPonce: 1st TigerLily of 2010 TONITE! w/@Braunger @KyleKinane @BrendonWalsh @EdaSalazar + welcome back @Biloon! N more 8pm @ 6122 …
RT @goddamnitDoug: “Yakuza?” I don’t care what kind of motorcycle he drives, Doug. I’m starving and Wong Foo over here can… http://tum …
free tickets to jon lovitz club tonight w/ marc maron, matt braunger, etc. 10pm. message me if you want in.
Nicknamed my girlfriend “The Bone Collector.” Haven’t told her yet though.
Can’t convince myself these titties are muscles anymore.
tonight: UCB-LA Resolution Show, 10pm. tomorrow, Jon Lovitz Club: Marc Maron, Matt Braunger, more (free—message me). Yeah, Citywalk, I know