December 2009
47 posts
randy is laying down with a headache
going for a custom order with cheese and mushrooms (3rd one)
randy reminded everyone that we all had fries and drinks as well
final score: randy-5, kyle-3, brendon and curt-2 ea.
RT @brendonwalsh: Late Lunch w/ Liedtke taping in 30 mins at McDonalds at Sunset & Fountain. Going to eat McRibs w/ @randyliedtke, @kyle …
I’m going to live tweet a McRib in a half hour. Is that how this works?
“How many are you going to eat?” asks the gf. “I’m not judging. Just curious.”
there are three puppets involved
I’ll be on Live At Gotham this Friday night on Comedy Central. Just saying is all.
November 2009
52 posts
RT @goddamnitDoug: You’re missing my point, Douglas. Once they realize that I’m only provoking the chase to demonstrate my… http://tum …
I said, “So you’re from Oahu?” She replied, “No, I said Ohio.” I responded with, “Oh, so the Big Island then.” It went downhill from there.
We live in an age where anyone, regardless of race, creed, or status, can publicize their opinion to the world. That’s pretty terrible.
Hyperion Tavern in 20 minutes (8pm).
My ventriloquist act failed. Shouldn’t have made the puppet the straight man. Gumbo just looking away, ashamed, during my off–color jokes.
Bought an ice tray that makes fish-shaped ice cubes. Completely ruins my “grizzled writer drinking lonesome Saturday night bourbon” vibe.
They’re certainly not “coy” fish! That one just winked at me!
Writers, take advantage →
My type of music sounds best playing loudly from of a Jeep careening recklessly from of a mini–golf parking lot into a hot Midwestern dusk.
A surprise party is still your family and friends conspiring together to deceive you. “Here’s your cake. Never trust us again.”
This recession’s hitting everyone. Eddie Money just changed his name into Ed Check–Into–Cash.
If I released a jazz album it would be called “Abortion of the Cool.”
Look who’s here: @goddamnitDoug
Friday night and I’m nothing more than a box of farts and a beard that smells like the parking lot of a Georgia Satellites concert
A thought never shared on Twitter: “Nevermind. Better I just keep that one to myself.”
Another thought never shared on Twitter: “What I just wrote esoterically wasn’t funny or informative, but merely done to confirm I exist.”
Played flag football yesterday. Easiest way to get a flag was to tackle the person first. I was ejected from the game because of my insight.
Lawrence Ferlinspaghetti. I’m done. Seriously.
Kabob Dylan was an affiliate.
Oh, and thanks for the nice words, everyone. Really eating a hat by being here.
Snack Kerouac and William S. Churros (my favorite of the Eat Poets)
The sad luck is the genocide of the Native Americans still doesn’t make turkey and stuffing any less delicious.
domestic beer=domestic dispute. imported beer=hate crime.
“Twilight: New Moon?” I thought she said “Moonlighting.” Shit. Well, here’s to another disappointing birthday present from your Uncle Kyle.
They say to play music for your unborn child, but we’ve already scheduled the abortion. “Ava Maria” or “Final Countdown?” Help me out, guys.
No longer calling it death. Will now be referred to as “getting out of the way.”
unintentional Rube Goldberg alarm clock: the box fan I’ve placed at the foot of my bed succeeds only in blowing beer farts up to my face, waking me up too early. Then, as is closure for these types of machines, I crack an egg into a frying pan.
Also, “Rube Goldberg” sounds like a name for an inexperienced Jew.
MattLanta. Mr. Issippi (long shot). Mouth Carolina. I’m not even trying anymore.
RT @JeffKlinger: @kylekinane R. Ken Softdick? Lou is she Anna?
Please let there be a Southern drag queen named Chic Phil A. Or at least Mason DickSin. Florida Manhandle?
Atlanta. Hotlanta. Mylanta (peaches give me indigestion)
get on it:
www.imdeadanditsallmyfault.tumblr.com
“Nostalgia” is a nice way of saying, “Man, I used to like some bullshit.”
“Wellness Formula” pills seem to be made of horse piss and taste worse than any disease. Whole Foods is a gypsy market with good lighting.
And yes, I did say “Let the night hold your secrets” to another man tonight. Sincerely.
